As a boy, I knew a tough guy named Anthony who would always start fights the same way: he’d shove you in the chest and ask “What are you going to do about it?” If you did nothing, he shoved you harder and asked a little louder “What are you going to do about it?” Etcetera until you got pissed off and swung at him. There are adults who do the same thing. But instead of shoving you in the chest they do little thoughtless or mean or bad…things, then bigger bad things, then unforgivable things, all the while silently asking “Do you still love me?”

If you say nothing, they do another ugly thing, but their demeanor asks “Do you still love me after that?” Until invariably they do something so awful or wrong that you explode and fight with them, or walk away, or write them completely out of your life. From firsthand experience I’ve learned that some of these people aren’t even aware that they’re doing this and are thus genuinely surprised when you tell them to go to hell.