— Jonathan Carroll
(Source: jonathancarroll.com)
“
One of life’s sad facts is there are people we no longer see who nevertheless gave us some of our best or most important experiences; but they don’t know it and never will. That’s because we didn’t know it until much later, in retrospect. He thought about the summer in Greece almost thirty years before when they were together and flew from island to island on cheap rattle’y propeller planes whenever they felt like it. Ten dollar rooms with the toilet outside down the hall. They read wilted, water-stained books while sitting next to each other on the small balconies off the rooms. Or sat silently together in complete peace while staring at the sea. No matter what kind of accommodations they rented, there always seemed to be a view of the sea. Every day they ate salads of tomatoes, olives, onions, and thick savory chunks of chalk-white feta cheese drizzled in fresh olive oil for lunch. They rented a blue Vespa. They walked on black volcanic sand. He bought them baseball caps because the Greek sun was ferocious. He was happy then and knew it. But his heart needed three decades more perspective and experience to understand just how happy he had been— Hall of Fame-happy, once in a lifetime-happy. By the time he realized it, she was thousands of days gone. One of his final wishes was to tell her, thank her for those days together. And if life were magical, which it is not, to sit together again in one of those rustic tavernas at sunset watching the harbor, the boats, the stars coming out, their simple dinner being served, thank her for being… her.
— Jonathan Carroll
— Jonathan Carroll
“
After they broke up, she continued to send him things in the mail occasionally. Nothing big— CD’s she made of favorite music, new books she read and liked, small stuff. She did it simply because she thought he would like them too and she wanted to share them even though they no longer had contact. Just a nice thing to do. According to the rules of romance you’re not supposed to do that after you’ve stopped seeing someone, but who made those rules? She had loved him and they were very happy once. Wasn’t that reason enough to send things now and then that she believed would make him glad? They had gotten along so well when they were together, she was certain he would understand now why she did it. I liked this and I think you will too. I remember the things you liked. That’s all. Nothing more or less. I hope you enjoy it. But he didn’t understand. Eventually he wrote her a short curt note saying “I don’t know how to feel about these things you’ve been sending me.” Once they’d told each other essential secrets about themselves and confessed to weaknesses they had tried to hide from the rest of the world their whole lives. For a short blessed time, they’d felt both safe and at home with one another. Despite that intimacy, now she had become only a stranger bearing gifts and of course we should always be suspicious of them.
— Jonathan Carroll
— Jonathan Carroll
(Source: jonathancarroll.com)
