brown dress with white dots
"It's hard convincing yourself that where you are at the moment is your home, and it's not always where your heart is. Sometimes I win and sometimes not."
-- Jonathan Carroll

Black Sesame Seeds by Noel Barhurst
I would have given him everything. I would have pulled down planets to make our life work.
— Jonathan Carroll

Forget that first kiss, the first sex, the first tears of misunderstanding, the first fight. Forget the first amazing gift from them that says they thought long and hard about you and what you love. Here is physical proof they tried as best they could to get you something concrete, in the hand- there that shows some of the intensity of their feeling for you.

Forget it. Forget it all.

The first great real intimacy between two people begins when secrets are told. The time you stole the money from the candy drive when you were a boy scout. The time you slept with your brother in law after their marriage dissolved. The lie you told your boss that changed everything and burned every bridge you had at the time. The secret about your parents you thought you would never, ever tell anyone.
But suddenly you do—to your new partner. No matter what happens to you two after that, they know these things now. You can never take them back. They have the goods on you and you on them. At that point your life together shifts on its axis permanently. You have begun to let them into your soul and often we don’t even know ourselves what the result of *that* will be.

— Jonathan Carroll
Obsession. I have always liked that word. The sound of it, what it means, and particularly its turbo boost effect on the heart rate when the object of our fascination is within reach. You can be obsessed with anything—a woman, a song, a wine, a breed of dog, a seaside bar in Mykonos, a moment in life you wish could be frozen in amber. Literally anything that instantly sets the desire ablaze and makes you want to swoop down and possess whatever it is RIGHT NOW forever. Obsession stands out like a tropical island in the everyday sea of same old/same old. If you are obsessed with something, it not only becomes the focus of your attention, but also a concrete clear goal to strive for in this very confusing life.
— Jonathan Carroll
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