brown dress with white dots
"It's hard convincing yourself that where you are at the moment is your home, and it's not always where your heart is. Sometimes I win and sometimes not."
-- Jonathan Carroll
Patience never wants Wonder to enter the house: because Wonder is a wretched guest. It uses all of you but is not careful with what is most fragile or irreplaceable. If it breaks you, it shrugs and moves on. Without asking, Wonder often brings along dubious friends: doubt, jealousy, greed. Together they take over; rearrange the furniture in every one of your rooms for their own comfort. They speak odd languages but make no attempt to translate for you. They cook strange meals in your heart that leave odd tastes and smells. When they finally go are you happy or miserable? Patience is always left holding the broom.
Jonathan Carroll / White Apples
Nadine Greeff

There was a homemade sign up on the wall of the cafe. One of those signs you can make with colored paper, a computer with lots of fonts, and a printer that does photographs. It announced he had died a few days ago in a small Carinthian town after a long illness. I looked at the picture and instantly recognized him. He always seemed to be in that cafe whenever I visited. One of those late middle aged men who look ill, smoke way too much, are unslovenly but not exactly dirty, and who flirt with whatever waitresses are on duty that day. They all know him and you can tell they half like him, half don’t. He was loud and when he spoke he often looked around to see if anyone in the cafe was listening to him. I saw him there so often that after a few years we tipped each other a nod when we’d make eye contact.

The last time I saw him wasn’t long ago. I remember because that afternoon he wore a spotless white suit, shirt, and a colorful tie. He looked like he was dressed for a cocktail party in the tropics somewhere. I’d never seen him dressed up and wondered what was going on. A few minutes later a woman came out of the toilet and sat down at his table. It was the first time I’d ever seen him with a woman and he emanated happiness. I wondered if she was his wife, girlfriend, friend… After a while they bustled out of there obviously on their way to some snappy event. The two waitresses working that day caught each others’ eyes and smiled. They were happy for him.


Jonathan Carroll
Jork Weismann
pinterest.com
It seems possible that via their gifts, geniuses might be able to find their way through life’s maze. However, deranged housewives, aging movie stars, or Retro 1960s gurus who announce unashamedly they hear God or ten-thousand-year-old warriors telling them the secrets of the universe… give me pause. I know if God contacted me, I’d at least be a bit humble. The way these nuttos describe it, they’re all on a first-name basis with Him. Besides, little daily truths are hard enough to bear. Told THE TRUTH by one who knows would, if we survived, surely scorch us inside and out like a blown fuse.
Jonathan Carroll / After Silence
Nadine Greeff
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