brown dress with white dots
"It's hard convincing yourself that where you are at the moment is your home, and it's not always where your heart is. Sometimes I win and sometimes not."
-- Jonathan Carroll
His wife had done a very lousy thing to him and we were discussing it. Why did she do it? How could she? I said maybe there’s something you missed or forgot; some word or a significant sentence that had gone unnoticed prior to her selfish, cruel act that would explain it. He shook his head and said adamantly, ‘No, I’m not doing that. I’m not going to search for a logical, acceptable reason. What she did was wrong. That’s all— unacceptable, way over the line- wrong. I hate how people always go looking for reasons to justify others’ bad behavior. Because sometimes things aren’t justifiable— they’re bad, pure and simple. Sometimes people are just shitty and their actions prove it.
— Jonathan Carroll
Kaitlin Kelly
Alice Gao

After working late at the office one night, he stopped at a diner on the way home for something to eat. The place was almost empty so he noticed the other customers. In a booth directly across the room, a couple were eating hamburgers and horsing around. Probably twenty years old, they were obviously crazy for each other and their happiness was as thick as the smell of perfume. They ate and talked with the animation and intensity of children. That picture said everything. You forget what it is like to experience the alchemy of new love. You forget how you want to tell them everything and hear everything they have to say. It does not matter what it is, so long as they keep talking.

His food came and he ate while sneaking glances at them when possible. He didn’t want to be too obvious about it so as not to embarrass the couple or make them feel self-conscious. What he liked so much was that neither of them was trying to be cool or aloof. Even from this distance he saw the flurry of goofy expressions on their faces, the constant touching, the giggling and talk talk talk. They weren’t trying to impress or play superior. They were wholly comfortable showing each other their joy. It was so nice to see that after his meal, he ordered a cup of tea he didn’t want just so he could stayand watch them a while longer.

Eventually the young man stood up and walked to the toilet. The girl began to cry almost as soon as he disappeared behind the restroom door. Sitting there alone, her face tightened and then the tears came. She cried silently but made no attempt to hide it. He couldn’t believe it. Why was she crying? Moments ago she had been laughing and flirting, touching her boyfriend’s arm and clapping her hands together in glee. Now her face was red in anguish. Where did it come from? Had something been said? Or had she waited till her love was gone before letting her real feelings show?

Fascinated by this disturbing change in the distraught girl, he could not stop staring. In the end she saw him and looked over with real hatred in her eyes; as if *he* were to blame for her tears and all her sadness, whatever the cause. He was so flustered and distressed by her glare that he threw some money down on the table to cover the cost of his meal and fled


Jonathan Carroll
Those restaurants that offer 3 or 4 course meals for a fixed price. Inevitably there’s something on those menus I don’t like, want, or wish I could change. So I rarely want to pay the price. Much the same with some people— you wish you didn’t have to take their whole ‘fixed menu.’ “Could I please have your humor and interesting insights about life, but not the moods and dishonesty.
— Jonathan Carroll
Danielle Hughson
Monia Merlo
Aleksandra Mojsilovic
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