brown dress with white dots
"It's hard convincing yourself that where you are at the moment is your home, and it's not always where your heart is. Sometimes I win and sometimes not."
-- Jonathan Carroll
Parker Fitzgerald
The lovers are a different thing altogether. You see them on the street smooching, groping, laughing, hugging, trying to eat one another in a few big bites. Seeing this makes you smile, but there’s also a jab of something else in your heart towards them that’s like discovering a bone in the middle of a bite of a delicious piece of fish. You must stop eating immediately to locate the thing with your fingers and get it out of your mouth before it chokes you. So too the lovers; you see them and smile, but you also can’t help disliking them a little. Disliking them for their obvious joy, completeness, their this-moment-is-all-that-matters-ness. You have a thousand things on your mind, none of them of any importance. The lovers have exactly one thing on their minds and it is more important than anything. The person they are embracing, their all and everything, completely fills the view through their windshield. You want that; seeing their passion makes you miss it like air when you are deep under water. Chances are, it’s been a while since you felt that crazy about someone, about *anything*. Seeing them is concrete proof of a glory that is possible but not frequent. You want to linger and watch their happiness. At the same time you want to pass quickly by before it reminds you again with a kick in the soul how wonderful life can be sometimes—just not right now for you.
Jonathan Carroll
I now fully believe there are people who spread pain wherever they go. They aren’t necessarily bad like a Hitler or some other outsized villains. Often they are just you and me’s trying to live their lives. But somehow pain bringers are cursed with a dark talent for making things go bad; leaving behind them suspiciously long trails of angry broken hearts, or dreams, or plans… Whether it’s conscious or unconscious they continuously mess life up, or make jobs harder for others to do, confuse where confusion is not necessary, grate where smoothness was once the norm before they arrived. It can be on a small scale or large. Whenever they enter a life or situation they tramp a kind of psychic mud onto clean floors that is difficult to clean and sometimes permanently stains. Now and then these people are unquestionably mean or selfish, but not as a rule. Like those poor souls who are struck by lightning again and again for some mysterious reason throughout their lives, pain bringers only have to become involved in something and too frequently for it to be chance or coincidence, they cause it to go south in very negative ways. I was thinking about this for a long time today and could specifically name three people I have known who fall into this category. You couldn’t identify it by looking at any of them. They’re often compelling, passionate, funny, capable, alluring, attractive, or even generous people. But bond with them in any other than a superficial way and you can almost be certain you’ll be hit by *their* lightning. Beyond any doubt it will leave some kind of nasty scorch mark on your psyche/heart/life/business/confidence/values/beliefs/soul or otherwise.
Jonathan Carroll
Lisa Adams
She was like an article in a magazine one only needed to skim to get the gist of. An old boyfriend remarked the trailer of her life was the best part of her movie.
Jonathan Carroll
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10   Next »
clear theme by parti
powered by tumblr